Have you ever come home from an enjoyable group gathering just to look in the mirror and find that you have a booger hanging from your nose? And then pondered how long it may have been there and whether others saw it? And if they likely did see it, have you ever analyzed why no one said anything about it?

On the flip side, have you ever been sitting around a table at a group gathering when someone catches your eye and graciously motions to you that you need to wipe your nose? And then analyzed what caused them to make you aware?

Who would you have appreciated more? Those who kept quiet though you know they saw it or the one who was willing to risk awkwardness by pointing it out?

To be fair, it’s quite possible that everyone in both scenarios could legitimately say that they were motivated by love, whether they made you aware or not. However, it’s also possible that there were some who didn’t say anything because they avoid awkwardness at all costs and would rather act like they don’t see the booger than to experience the discomfort of shedding light on the predicament for your benefit.

What Is Love?

What keeps us from speaking the truth? When it comes to friends and boogers, what camp do you typically find yourself in? Are you a person who points it out or a person who lets it ride? Which is the greater act of love?

Is it possible that either camp has a distorted view of love?

Our culture would have us believe the following things about love:

• Love never brings up difficult topics
• Love is never awkward
• Love always approves and never reproves
• Love is always easy to receive
• Love’s chief end is happiness
• Love never disagrees with anyone
• Love never confronts, challenges or disciplines

What if you parented your children according to this type of love? What if you always dodged all difficult or awkward topics with your kids because the main goal was for everyone to be happy 100% of the time? What if you validated and approved every desire of your daughter’s heart? What if you never challenged or disciplined your son? Does this spur our kids on to maturity? Is this how parents are to love?

Let Me Tell You A Secret About A Father’s Love

Let’s gaze upon the face of God. How does He parent His children?
Hebrews 12:6-8 “For those whom the Lord loves He disciplines, and He scourges every son whom He receives. It is for discipline that you endure; God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline? But if you are without discipline, of which all have become partakers, then you are illegitimate children and not sons.”

Proverbs 13:24 “He who withholds his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him diligently.”

Proverbs 3:12 “For whom the Lord loves He reproves, even as a father corrects the son in whom he delights.”

God disciplines His children. Why is that? Haven’t all our sins already been forgiven? Hasn’t He already released us from any debt that we owe Him as a result of our sin? Absolutely! Through faith in Jesus, God has forensically forgiven us (Acts 10:43) and Christ’s death and resurrection have also removed any debt we would have owed Him as a result of our sin (Colossians 2:17). Yet God still disciplines us. God doesn’t call for our discipline because He is seeking vengeance or to get back at us for an offense we made against Him in the past.  God’s discipline is not a product of unforgiveness or a lack of love. He disciplines us BECAUSE He loves us and BECAUSE He wants things to be healthy moving forward. It is of utmost importance that we realize (as parents, as children, as brothers and sisters in Christ) that forgiveness can occur and yet discipline can still be called for. Forgiveness doesn’t necessarily remove the need for discipline. Forgiveness is about cancelling the debt of personal hurt caused by something in the past. Discipline is about seeking health moving forward. God wants to speak truth into our lives. So, He calls things as He sees them. He sheds light. He speaks truth.
Furthermore, even in the lives of believers, when we have unconfessed sin, we have broken fellowship with God until we are able to speak truth into our own situation, agreeing with God that we have indeed sinned (1 John 1:9). If He has removed our sin from us as far as the east is from the west, why is it that we can have broken fellowship with God? Does this mean that God has refrained from loving us? Absolutely not! He loves us so much that He has no interest in putting up a façade that things are hunky dory when they’re not. We cannot have fellowship with a God of Light while living in denial of the truth of our sin and trying to blend in with the shadows. So, not only is it important that God speak truth into our lives, but it is also important to God that we are able to speak truth into our own lives by agreeing with Him about our sin.

Speak Life

On top of that, God’s word exhorts us to speak truth into the lives of one another as an act of love.

Ephesians 4:25 “Therefore, laying aside falsehood, speak truth each one of you with his neighbor, for we are members of one another.”
 
Ephesians 4:15-16 “but speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ, from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.”
 
Proverbs 27:5-6 “Better is open rebuke than love that is concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.”
 
These verses from Proverbs 27 make it clear that sometimes an act of genuine love means saying the things that are hard to say. Sometimes being a true friend means storming the field of awkwardness, discomfort and pain for the sake of truth and health in the lives of your friends.
 
Believers need to be able to value the wounds of a friend and discern them from the kisses of an enemy. This is why Proverbs warns us so many times about flatterers.
 
Proverbs 26:28 “A lying tongue hates those it crushes, and a flattering mouth works ruin.”
 
Proverbs 28:23 “He who rebukes a man will afterward find more favor than he who flatters with the tongue.”
 
Proverbs 29:5 “A man who flatters his neighbor spreads a net for his steps.”
 
Flatterers can be quite dangerous because they oftentimes don’t care so much about speaking truth as they do manipulating and controlling others. An act of genuine love is to graciously speak truth even when it causes pain to do so.
 
Whatever our motivation is, when we separate love from truth, we are not loving the way God calls us to love. We may be sweeping things under the rug or trying to avoid uncomfortable conversations or awkward moments but we are not loving when we avoid truth.
 
Truth and Consequences (And Coming To Our Senses)

Within the last year I heard the story of a courageous young lady who was troubled because she had sought to confront someone she loved dearly concerning unrepentant outward sin in his life toward other people she also cared about. When he was unwilling to concede to the sin, she then met with one of the church elders who told her that she just needed to “let love cover it” and move on.

The elder was eluding to 1 Peter 4:8 which says:
“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins.”
This elder was using the passage to encourage the young lady not to take any further action to address the sin. Don’t address it. Don’t confront it. Don’t say anything about it. Just do nothing.
It’s as if this elder was saying that the most loving thing to do, when you see clear unrepentant sin in the life of a fellow believer, is to just let it slide. Don’t address it at all. Just act like it didn’t happen. Is that what this verse is saying to do? Is this verse implying that the most loving thing you can do for a fellow believer in unrepentant sin is to do nothing? To address nothing? Or maybe to address it initially (in the case of beginning church discipline), but if the unrepentant sinner doesn’t want to listen or recognize it as sin, you just move to a different topic? Is this a biblical concept? Is the love Peter is referring to merely comprised of high fives and fist bumps?

The word “fervent” (ektenes) means “without ceasing”. If the application of love in this context means to take no action, then I guess Peter is exhorting the reader to unceasingly….do nothing. Does this sound right? Does “let love cover a multitude of sins” mean we are not supposed to address unrepentant sin in the lives of those within our sphere of influence?

Was Peter promoting that we just look past unrepentant sin in the lives of fellow believers in the name of love? Let’s look at some of the things Peter said in this epistle.

1 Peter 1:14-16 “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the former lusts which were yours in your ignorance, but like the Holy One who called you, be holy yourselves also in all your behavior; because it is written, ‘You shall be holy, for I am holy.’”

If it’s to be our goal not to be conformed to the world and its lusts but to pursue holiness in our experience, are we to tackle this goal each man for himself allowing each person to discover their own blind spots? Or are we to come alongside one another in this pursuit and lovingly hold each other’s feet to the fire, pointing out blind spots that may hamper one another’s service or growth?

1 Peter 1:17 “If you address as Father the One who impartially judges according to each one’s work, conduct yourselves in fear during the time of your stay on earth;”

Do we have a role to play in preparing one another for the Judgment Seat of Christ or are we supposed to leave each other alone and allow each person to live and learn without the involvement of anyone else meddling in our lives?

1 Peter 2:1-2 “Therefore, putting aside all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander, like newborn babies, long for the pure milk of the word, so that by it you may grow in respect to salvation.”

Are we meant to go through the process of spiritual maturity by living on our own islands without the help of others to challenge us and, if needed, to rebuke us?

I Peter 2:11 “Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which wage war against the soul.”

As we wage battle against the soul, are we to do this like Rambo (a lone solider) or as a band of brothers? And, if it’s the latter, and we are to come alongside one another in this battle, are we to love each other by refraining to correct and admonish one another?

Did you know that there is only one other place in the New Testament (besides 1 Peter 4:8) that uses the phrase “cover a multitude of sins”? Do you think it backs up this idea that we are to love one another by turning a blind eye and not addressing each other’s unrepentant sin? Let’s see.

James 5:19-20 "My brethren, if any among you strays from the truth and one turns him back, let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins."

James seems to be promoting the idea that we are to address sin (certainly unrepentant sin) in one another’s lives as an act of love.  According to James, the love that covers a multitude of sins involves confrontation and speaking truth. It’s certainly not a call to stand down. And I have serious doubts that Peter would have advised someone to stand down from addressing unrepentant outward sin in the life of someone you love.

In Galatians 2, Paul tells about a time when Peter was acting hypocritically by holding himself aloof from Gentiles when some men came from Jerusalem. Peter was afraid of what the men might think of him if he associated with the Gentiles. This, of course, wasn’t the first time we hear of Peter being controlled by the fear of what others think. But Paul didn’t shrug this off as if to say, “Well, that’s Peter for you.” He opposed Peter to his face and publicly rebuked him. I’d be curious to ask Peter whether he felt Paul was acting out of a spirit of unforgiveness by speaking truth to him. But my guess would be that Peter would say Paul was justified in his rebuke.

As a different example, when Paul wrote 2 Corinthians, he was writing it as a follow-up letter to a previous letter he had sent this church. In the previous letter he confronted and rebuked the Corinthian believers for things they were allowing to take place without addressing. In 2 Corinthians 7 (verses 8-10), Paul refers back to the previous letter he had written and expresses that he didn’t enjoy writing that letter because he knew it caused them pain to receive it. But he goes on to say that he didn’t regret writing the letter because he saw that the sorrow he caused them led them to repentance and helped save them from an unfruitful state. Paul spoke the truth in love when it was difficult and God used this to bring health to the people who were “harmed” by Paul’s letter.

Closing
​
God’s word is clear that one of the most important ways in which we can love one another effectively is by speaking truth to one another. Often the times when this is the hardest to do are also the times when it is most needed.
​
In closing, I just want to say that……..if you ever see me with a booger dangling out of my sniffer, I’d sure appreciate it if you could come point it out to me.
 
 
 

​There is a term in the world of structural engineering and bridge inspection that has often been misunderstood, especially when reported on by the media. That term is “fracture critical”. The former Oklahoma City Crosstown bridge that was taken out of service in 2012 had roughly 260 “fracture critical” members on it. The main reason the term “fracture critical” was widely so misunderstood was that people assumed it meant that the condition of the member had become compromised over time as if maybe years of being exposed to the elements had made that member become fracture critical. And while it certainly is true that bridge members can break down over time by exposure to things like freeze/thaw cycles, moisture and corrosion, the term “fracture critical” is not meant to shed light on the physical condition of a bridge member to such factors. Rather, it is a term that is meant to highlight the likely catastrophic outcome of the entire structure failing if that particular member were to fail. A fracture critical bridge member is a steel member, like a beam, that is in tension (normally by design) but it is non-redundant, meaning it doesn’t have any supplemental systems of support. In short, it means that if this member were to fail, the structure would fail because, in essence, nothing else is backing it up. That’s what makes it “fracture critical”. In the case of the Crosstown bridge, its fracture critical members were pier beams (or cross-girders). These were large beams that ran transverse (perpendicular) to traffic and sat on top of tall concrete columns, and all (7) of the beams that ran longitudinally (parallel to traffic) connected to a single pier beam at the end of each span. It was not as if the Crosstown bridge became fracture critical over time. It was designed as fracture critical and had been that way ever since it was constructed back in 1966.
 
Bridge inspectors are trained to get a much closer look at fracture critical members, not because those members are in worse condition than any other member of the bridge but because, due to their non-redundancy, the failure of the one member can have widespread catastrophic consequences and can occur with little notice ahead of time. Therefore, closer scrutiny is important. It is worth pointing out that the engineering world has largely moved away from designing fracture critical bridges. For, while the fracture critical member typically gets the job done, it is not worth the risk of catastrophic failure to not have redundancy built into the system especially when the structure is going to be exposed to the elements for decades on end. Redundancy is important.
 
An Analogy About Redundancy
Did you know the Bible talks about the importance of redundancy? For instance, Solomon talks about it in Ecclesiastes.
 
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor. For if either of them falls, the one will lift up his companion. But woe to the one who falls when there is not another to lift him up. Furthermore, if two lie down together they keep warm, but how can one be warm alone? And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.”
 
A cord of multiple strands is an example of redundancy being built into a system. When pulled in tension, the chances of multiple strands severing at the same time becomes less and less with the more strands that are interwoven together. Of course, Solomon isn’t mainly talking about rope or cables. He’s talking about people. He’s talking about accountability, safety and peace of mind in numbers. If you wait long enough, one thing you can always count on a person to do……is fail. And, oftentimes, you don’t have to wait all that long to see it happen.
 
1 Corinthians 10:12 “Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall.”
 
This is why we need others who know us and will be truthful with us. People who can hold us in check.
 
A Warning Against Non-Redundancy
 
Are you aware of the first and only thing God said was “not good” when He was creating the world? Five times in the first chapter of Genesis it says that God looked at His creation and He “saw that it was good”. But then, the first thing He said after creating man was “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18a). Now, of course, obviously in the context of the passage, God is getting ready to create a wife for Adam so the thing we see most directly is that God is the One who instituted marriage, a relationship of redundancy.
 
However, meditate on that declaration for a moment………that it is “not good for man to be alone”. This statement was made before sin had entered the world. Adam was going to have the opportunity to walk with God (his Creator) in unbroken fellowship in a beautiful garden without hardship. And even then, God said it was not good for man to be alone. Ultimately, God did not think it was good for Adam (man) to walk through life without another human being who was walking in similar shoes. To resolve this…..issue, God gave Adam a wife.
 
When it comes to accountability and the sharpening that sanctification demands in the Christian life, God’s plan is for others to be involved. Having someone else walking with you helps to provide an additional perspective. Even for people who never end up finding a spouse. Because “it is not good for man to be alone”. That other person can point out things in your blind spot that you tend to be oblivious to. We need accountability. We need redundancy.
 
Redundancy and Community Modeled in the Godhead
 
Ponder this truth momentarily as well. Our God has always existed in three persons. From eternity past, our God has been Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Community and fellowship are tied up in the very essence of who God is. There is internal redundancy within the trinity. Please don’t misread me. I’m not saying that God has “need” of accountability. God alone is perfectly righteous in both position and practice. I’m just pointing out that God created us to be in community. The thumbprint of God Himself is on His creation. We are to seek community just as there is community and fellowship in the Godhead.
 
In the Garden of Gethsemane, the night before Jesus died, He prayed to the Father, “I do not ask on behalf of these alone, but for those also who believe in Me through their word; that they may all be one; even as You, Father, are in Me and I in You, that they also may be in Us, so that the world may believe that You sent Me. The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one;” (John 17:20-22). God’s design was for believers to be close-knit and involved in the process of one another being conformed to the image of Christ.
 
Prior to creation, we see community, unity, and intimacy modeled in the fellowship of the Trinity. And prior to the fall of creation, God Himself spoke of the importance of mankind having community. Both these things happened prior to sin entering into the world.
 
In enters sin……..and we have plenty of biblical backing for the idea that it is not good for man to be left to himself without the accountability, support and protection that comes from having the redundancy of one another because mankind now comes into this world sinful and prone to stray.
 
Romans 3:10 “as it is written, ‘There is none righteous, not even one.’”
 
Case Studies
 
Can you think of any examples from the Bible where consolidation of power to one person took place and things turned out well as a result? I can’t.
 
The nation of Israel had a system of judges in place, but they demanded a king (1 Samuel 8). They were warned what would happen if they consolidated power to a single individual (who was not the coming Messiah) but this didn’t calm their desire for a king. So, even though they had been warned of what would happen, they demanded a king and their demand was granted. And the system didn’t pan out.
 
One of the best examples of a king was David who was called “a man after God’s own heart” and was a man who modeled humility and an ability to admit when he was wrong and oftentimes exemplified a healthy dependence upon God. And, yet, even he abused his power and used it to murder and commit adultery. Again, he was one of the best (if not the best) king Israel ever had.
 
King Saul started well but finished very poorly. He became fixated on his own reputation and would become wildly envious of anyone who “stole” glory from him even if that person was doing things that helped protect and advance his kingdom. People became afraid to approach him because he would view as an enemy anyone who might seek to confront him, even if they were well-meaning. Even his own daughter was afraid to speak truth to him for fear that he would take her life.
 
Out Of Sight, Out of Mind
 
Here’s a deep thought for you. Have you ever thought about the fact that you have never seen the back of your own head……with your own eyes? Of course, there have been times when you’ve seen it in a reflection or in a photo, but you’ve never actually looked at the back of your own head with your own eyes in real life.
 
In the summer of ‘97, one week prior to moving to Stillwater for my freshmen year at Oklahoma State, I got, evidently, one of the worst haircuts I’ve ever had……or so I’ve been told. But I had no clue until I got home from the barber and heard my mom gasp. There was a massive gouge that had been somewhat shaved into the back of my head. My mom was bothered by the fact that I’d be starting college with the back of my head looking….hideous. It was easy for me to forget about it because it was out of my sight. I expressed to my mom that I wasn’t really bothered by the bad haircut. Since I couldn’t see it, I was kind of able to just put it out of my mind and not think about it. When I expressed this to my mom, her reply was, “But what about the rest of us? We’re the ones who have to look at it.” Ha! If you’re familiar with my mom’s sense of humor, you can hear her saying this.
 
My point is that sometimes we have blind spots in our lives and we need those who love us to point them out to us as an act of love, even when it’s awkward. At times we can be oblivious to the ways that we are offensive to others or to God. In Psalm 139:23-24 David prayed, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Oftentimes in David’s life, God used other people (such as Nathan, Abigail and Joab) to point his offensive ways out to him. David needed trustworthy people in his life who were not afraid to speak the truth to him, even though it could be a scary proposition to rebuke someone with such power and influence.
 
As fallen creatures, we desperately need checks and balances…….as individuals, within our families, in our governments and in our churches.
 
Redundancy From The Founding Fathers
 
Forgive the political sidenote, but do you know why the United States of America has three branches of government? Primarily because our founding fathers, though imperfect and fallen like the rest of us, understood the sin situation and had honed in on the following two verses:
 
Isaiah 33:22 “For the Lord is our judge, the Lord is our lawgiver, the Lord is our king: He will save us –“ (Judicial, Legislative, Executive)
Jeremiah 17:9 “The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?”
 
Collectively, these men knew that Jesus Christ was the only One fit to wear the hats of all those offices. And, if they were going to make an attempt at instituting a similar system with human beings, they were going to need to separate those powers among many people. This is an example of safety through redundancy. Don’t get me wrong…..it’s not like a system of judges can’t become corrupted. We live in a fallen world as individuals with fallen natures. Corruption can sneak into any man-made system. This is why “we the people” need to hold our politicians and representatives in check.
 
Redundancy In Church Government
 
The Bible speaks about the importance of having a plurality of elders to govern the local church. This is another system of accountability through redundancy. However, similar to our representatives in government, church elders can become complacent, complicit, fearful, and hesitant to stand for truth. This is why it is important that we pray earnestly for our elders and ask questions……even tough questions. We need to come alongside them to encourage them in the things they are doing well. And we need to come alongside them to exhort them and challenge them to do what is right when they are failing to do so. 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1 are both very well-known passages that list the qualifications of elders (characteristics elders must have or ways elders must be). However, I personally think that Proverbs oftentimes gets overlooked as a good resource when talking about the accountability we must seek both in our own lives as individuals as well as the accountability that our church leaders should highly value. Consider the following passages:
 
Proverbs 1:5 “A wise man will hear and increase in learning, and a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel.”
Proverbs 11:14 “Where there is no guidance the people fall, but in abundance of counselors there is victory.”
Proverbs 12:15 “The way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man is he who listens to counsel.”
Proverbs 13:10 “Through insolence comes nothing but strife, but wisdom is with those who receive counsel.”
Proverbs 15:22 “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, but with many counselors they succeed.”
Proverbs 19:20 “Listen to counsel and accept discipline, that you may be wise the rest of your days.”
Proverbs 24:6 “For by wise guidance you will wage war, and in abundance of counselors there is victory.”
Proverbs 27:17 “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.”
 
From Paul’s New Testament letters and also from Solomon’s wisdom literature we see that God’s word has a great deal to say about the value of accountability, especially in having redundancy in church leadership.
 
Conclusion
 
We need redundancy in our systems of accountability because it is not good for man to be alone. Each of us has blind spots and God has given us one another to serve as iron to sharpen our dull spots in the lifelong journey of becoming conformed to the image of Christ. We need to be able to provide needed reproof, seek out Godly counsel, and accept Godly rebuke. Left to ourselves things can get dicey. We need others speaking truth into our lives, encouraging us, correcting us and pointing out things that are in our blind spots, so that we don’t fail miserably, but rather press on to maturity as we are being conformed to the image of Christ.